Because Babies Grow Up

We’ve been here in Tennessee for 2 weeks now and FINALLY have the Internet again. I have so missed blogging and socializing. It’s good to be back! But, we have found a few ways to keep ourselves entertained during the interim!

First, we unpacked. Or rather, Brent’s parent’s unpacked for us while we tried to decide where things should be, entertained the girls, and figured out where things are. Brent and his dad put up a fence in the backyard so the girls have a safe place to play away from the train tracks. Brent’s mom and I took care of the inside. She managed to do in three days what it would have taken me three years to do! We actually have pictures on the walls.

We checked out the local cuisine by dining at Heavy’s BBQ on the river. It was a perfectly southern experience. It was delicious BBQ complete with baked beans and fried okra. While we waited for our food, Sammi and I went down to the river and she swung on the tire swing. We also met the dogs who hang around the place. They were very mild mannered and sweet, but Sammi still didn’t want them too close.

We celebrated the Fourth of July and Sammi’s birthday. We visited the Knoxville Zoo and hiked to the Tri-State Peak off the Daniel Boone trail. To entertain Sammi I sang Davy Crockett up and down the, uhm, mountain. (I think it’ll take several years for me to view the rolling hills in these parts as mountains. Mountains don’t grow trees at the peaks! At least not the Rocky Mountains I grew up with!!)

Sammi enjoyed her birthday. She wore her tiara and balloon everywhere we went. I think she was pleased with being three until I told her she couldn’t get her ears pierced until she’s 12. Now she’s obsessed with turning 12. Why do we spend our childhood wishing we were grown up and adulthood longing for our childhood? We never seem to be satisfied, do we?

Hopefully posts will start to be more regular as we get settled and fall back into a routine. Brent starts school July 28 and we’ll go through that “settling in” all over again! We hear he’ll surface about Thanksgiving so we’re enjoying every moment we have with him now!

So I’ve been missing Brent. Brent loves music. On our first date he took me to a concert of one of his favorite local bands, Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband. It was great bluegrass music followed by a wonderful fireworks show. At the end of the night, I was a fan of Ryan Shupe and the Rubberband and I was a little more in love with Brent.

This week I put in their CD Hey! Hey! Hey! (recently rereleased under the title Dream Big) and have been reliving that magical evening. The chorus of one song really got me thinking the other day. It goes, “Would you love me if it won’t hurt you at all?”

I have been contemplating the implications of loving without the risk of getting hurt. I don’t think true love exists without the risk of getting hurt.

Inevitably Brent has said or done something that hurt my feelings. We’re human and we’re different; it’s bound to happen. I’m sure I’ve unintentionally hurt his feelings. Now, to be honest, I could enjoy loving Brent without this kind of hurt. It’s usually over superficial things and the hurt passes quickly.

But, as I scrutinized our relationship, I realize there are a whole host of experiences we’ve shared that have brought us closer together, but have also involved a bit of hurt. I remember the semester we were engaged, Brent failed one of his classes. He agonized over that grade and the effort he had put into the class. I hurt right along side him. I didn’t just feel his pain, though, I also felt my own pain at the part I had played in that grade. I could have given him more time to study. I could have helped him study. The list goes on. But, in the end, we learned, together, what he needed in order to do well in a class. I’m happy to say that not only did he never fail another class, his GPA steadily improved and he was accepted to medical school despite that failing grade. We have had so much joy over that accomplishment and we would not have known that together had we not also hurt together.

There have been other disappointments that have come to us individually but that we have endured together. My love for Brent is stronger and deeper because I have been a part of the most vulnerable and painful experiences he has had over the past 5 years. This ability to share and to feel together is what bonds our hearts as one. That to me is true love.

On the other hand, how hard would it be to be the one who promises it won’t hurt if you love me? Think of all the things we could never share, all the tears we could never shed, and consequently all the joy in overcoming that we would never experience. My intent is never to cause pain, but I’m so glad I can tell Brent that I’m absolutely miserable without him here at home and know that it may hurt him to know I’m miserable, but it also reaffirms my love for him and the permanent place he has in my heart and life.

I’m not a masochist, but I wouldn’t accept the offer to love without getting hurt. The two emotions weave in and around each other creating a rope that binds us together and makes us stronger as a couple.

I love you, Brent. We’re halfway done!

This is one busy week at Because Babies Grow Up! Check out this line up!

• Monday: Ultimate Blog Party 2009 hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom. Join in the fun. Check out the details here and the prizes up for grabs here.
• Thursday: I’ll be posting over at Make and Takes so come visit me there. Here we’ll have a guest post by Rebecka who attended the Children’s Literacy Conference at Utah Valley University last week.
• Friday: I’ll be posting over at I Never Grew Up. Don’t worry, I’ll have a snack idea for you here that will get you in the kitchen with your little ones.

Okay, so it’s turning into a busy 30 or so days!

• I’ll be posting at Mom’s Marbles on April 1st (no joke, it’ll be good advice on how to take the monotony out of repetition!)
• I’ll be reviewing It’s Hip Hop Baby! a DVD for teaching letters, colors and such to young children through family-friendly hip hop music!
• I’m throwing a “real-life” playdate introducing Baby Einstein’s new DVD and CD World Music.
• We’re flying to Tennessee to house hunt!

Yippy Skippy! I better run along to bed, it’s going to be an early morning

I felt a little guilty turning on my computer, but Oh MAN, does it feel good to be back! I’ve been slowly working through the inbox: lots of Twitter emails, newsletters, sale promotions and bills; very few personal emails!

So, the burning question: Was it worth it?

First, my goals for going offline were 1) stop compulsively checking my email, 2) give more attention to my household’s needs, 3) develop some much needed healthy habits.

Day 1 I wanted to check my email 9 times! Every time I walked in my room (which houses the computer) I wanted to turn on the computer. Every time the baby was asleep I wanted to get on the computer. Every time my toddler was contentedly playing on her own, I wanted to check my email. But, I harnessed all that energy and cleaned off my messy messy desk! Surprisingly, it stayed about this clean the whole two weeks, until I did taxes and now there are papers that need to be filed again!

Before I went offline I tried REALLY hard to get all my posts done and ready to publish. But, it didn’t happen. So Sunday night I actually cheated and got on the computer to get Monday’s post ready. I was strict with myself though and didn’t check my email. So Monday was the first day I spent entirely offline. I focused on laundry. Mounds and mounds of laundry! I got all the laundry washed and folded. It usually takes about three days to get all the clean clothes folded so I was really excited. Oh, and Elli rolled over for the first time, which I caught on the video camera, and didn’t get to blog about it!

Now, I admit, I’m a procrastinator. I still needed one more day to get the second week’s posts completely finished and ready to go up. So Tuesday I spent about three hours on the computer. I was so focused on working quickly. Brent had the girls all morning and I was amazed at how much I accomplished. As a treat, I checked my email! The experience reminded me of this quote:

“In my 20s I was worried about what everyone said about me. In my 30s I learned not to care. In my 40s I realized no one was talking about me to begin with.”

I had a bunch of Twitter emails, but nothing personal. Either everyone was giving me space since I was offline OR no one cared! In that moment I realized some things about myself: I work harder than I realized at connecting and communicating with people and I was compulsively checking my email for no good reason! While cheating is BAD, in this case it made the rest of my time offline a lot easier. Every time I wanted to get online or check my email I reminded myself that I wasn’t missing anything.

I started to evaluate the nature of my need to be online. One need is to be connected, to my family and friends, to online friends, to the community of moms whose blogs I love to read and which so inspire me. Another need is to escape my physical surroundings in the virtual world of the Internet. Another need is to blog and provide a resource for moms to play and sing with their children. The last need I discovered is to take care of bills and finances. I learned that the hard way when I called Brent at work so he could pay the car payment and the visa bill! Again with the procrastinating! I totally forgot to prepare for that.

Back to my goals. I have managed to get the housework under control. I’ve developed a pretty good pattern for getting things done each day. I also started exercising. I’m doing yoga with Bob from The Biggest Loser. I’m still working on making this a regular part of my day. But so far the results have been fantastic! I’m not so ache-y and my pants even fit a little better. Another healthy habit I wanted to develop is for my mental and spiritual health. I have renewed my commitment to read and study the scriptures daily and I already have more patience with myself and the little ones. I also feel a lot more peace about the busy and strenuous demands on my time and energy and the demands on Brent and how that affects our precious time together as a family.

So was it worth it? YES! I am ready (halfway through February) to start, or rather continue, 2009 in a positive, healthy way.

I’m moving forward and finding balance between my online world and my offline life. I find joy in both places. Each fills a need and is an integral part of making me whole and complete. I will stop escaping from my life by staring mindlessly at an unchanging inbox and I will start focusing on the essentials. What will you do in 2009?

Also, check back tomorrow for a giveaway of a cute little something I made with all that time I had from not being lost in front of the computer!

I’ve been inspired by Melitsa over at Play Activities with her 12 days of unplugged playtime with our kids. We have had so much fun, even though we haven’t posted every day’s activities.

But it’s gotten me thinking. I love this blog and the few others I also have, and enjoy reading so many funny and talented blogs. I spend an awful lot of time in front of the computer. My 5 month old already insists on typing on the keyboard if she’s on my lap and my toddler has been heard to say, “I’ve gotta blog about that!” With all this time spent online, I’m realizing a few things around the house are being neglected, my desk for instance!

So, in an effort to re-prioritize (that’s what the new year’s all about, right?) I’m unplugging for 2 weeks to get things IRL under control so I can have a healthy balance of Internet and family time combined with a clean house and yummy yummy dinners.

I WILL still have regular post on Musical Monday, Thinking Thursday and Physical Friday (thank you Blogger for the ability to schedule posts in advance!) so I’ll be with you in spirit! I won’t, however, be able to respond to any comments. But by all means, leave them so I have something fun to do when I come back! I love reading all the comments and visiting your blogs.

I’ll be back February 16 and look forward to catching up with you all. Until then, enjoy the new posts and enjoy a little unplugged play in your own homes, too!

I find myself in the pleasant predicament of living in the same area as my Alma mater. From time to time I run over to the campus for one reason or another. A couple of weeks ago I wanted to drop off some German and Bulgarian books (so they could find a better home) and took the girls with me. I arrived on campus with a double stroller during the last ten minutes of the hour. This is the time when everyone is rushing from one class to the next. Talk about timing. As I tried to maneuver through the crowds and snow piles I watch the students around me. Aside from thinking how young they all looked, I saw students waving at friends and hollering their hellos. I remembered my days on campus were pretty much the same. By my last year I rarely walked anywhere without running into a friend or student from the GE class I tutored for. I smiled as I remembered those happy years spent on this campus. I even found myself looking, hopelessly, around for a familiar face. Where were all MY friends and associates? Since all my peers had left the campus years earlier I decided to visit some of my favorite professors. They were all, conveniently, in their offices. Redemption! Except the one I actually had questions for. He has retired. Man, I am old for being so young!

With this experience fresh on my mind, my girls and I started the new year by returning to the library by our house for their Laptime program. After Laptime was over, I was visiting with a few moms. I talked with the Children’s Librarian. Former neighbors, current neighbors and even my mom walked by! (My mom stopped, of course.) Another mom asked me about when I would be doing Laptime this month. I was grinning from ear to ear with all this social love happening right there in one of my favorite buildings. In a flash of insight I saw the library converge with and then replace my beloved university campus as the hub of my social life. The bustle is subdued and there are children’s voices at every corner and I am in heaven.

*Photo by Spaz Du Zoo